The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely

So, there I was; standing in a moonlit wood with a monster’s cock in my hands, inadvertently working him up into a state of complete arousal.

It is funny how life turns out, sometimes.

Having started to get the beast worked up, I reasoned that it was only polite to finish the job at (or, more precisely, in) hand, and so I set about the rather unpleasant task of bringing about the creature’s climax.

As I bashed away at the beast’s bulging beast, Botter suddenly returned, having abandoned me some time earlier.

“Botter, you wretched little cock-smear! Where the devil have you been?” I asked, as I continued my exertions.

“Um, sorry milord. I went back to the carriage, to er, retrieve your pistol,” Botter replied, waving my pistol in the air triumphantly.

“So you were not just fleeing for your miserable life, then?”

“No, milord! Of course not, milord!”

“For some reason, I find myself not believing you, you cowardly little cockroach.”

“Um…milord…are you…are you administering hand-relief to the beast?” Botter observed.

“Aye, he is that!” Grimes chipped in. “An’ he’s doing a grand job!”

“I am rather, aren’t I?” I concurred, taking some pride in my penis-pounding prowess. “In fact, I would say that the beast is about to blow…I’d stand clear, if I were you…”

Grimes dutifully ducked back down behind some shrubbery, while Botter stood bemused in the open.

“Botter! Stand clear, man!” I repeated, but before Botter could react, the beast let out a bellowing roar and issued forth a jet of bestial baby-butter, which gushed forth from his monstrous manhood like water from a hose. Suffice to say, my unfortunate man-servant found himself directly in the path of the excessive expulsions, and was knocked back by the tremendous force of the creature’s cock-cream, winding up firmly pasted to a nearby tree, dripping with the beast’s considerable discharge.

“Well, that certainly saves me giving you a damned pasting,” I quipped, as Botter spat out mouthfuls of monster mucus.

“Sir!” cried Grimes, rising up from behind his hiding-place. “The beast! Some thing’s happening to the beast!”

I looked around and, sure enough, there was something happening to the beast.

He seemed to be shrinking.

We watched on as the creature got smaller, and as the thick fur covering his body receded, revealing human skin underneath. Slowly but surely, the beast transformed from the ferocious monster we had known, and turned into…

Lord Rydeham-Harde.

“What manner of trickery is this?” I yelled as a very naked Lord Rydeham-Harde sat where the beast had once been. “What in the name of Lord Wellington’s almighty wanger is going on here?”

“Ah, yes,” Rydeham-Harde said meekly. “I think you’ll probably want an explanation.”

It transpired that Lord Rydeham-Harde, in failing to fulfill his husbandly duties in the bedroom, had promised Lady Rydeham-Harde that he would seek medical assistance in getting his gander up, and thus give her the good seeing-to she so desperately desired.

Lord Rydeham-Harde’s search for aid in this department led him to a small apothecary’s shop on the edge of town, where he was sold a bottle of Dr. Ignoble Buttocks’ Incredible Intercourse Elixir, a potion which promised to turn the user into ‘a wild beast’ between the sheets.

“I did not realise it meant it quite so literally,” whined Rydeham-Harde as he regaled the group (now joined by Inspector Spunkleford and Lady Rydeham-Harde) with his sordid tale. “When I started using it, I found myself transforming into this terrible creature whenever I became aroused. At first my wife was delighted, because it also made my…you-know-what…a lot bigger. But she did not take too kindly to being clawed at and bitten, so she kicked me out. I…I don’t remember much beyond that…”

“I imagine that you chanced upon the young maid in the garden, and most probably buggered the poor girl to death with your monster todger,” I surmised.

“Oh…oh God,” wailed the distressed dignitary, as he was comforted by his wife. “What have I done?”

“More to the point,” I added. “What have I done?”

“Pardon me?” said Lord Rydeham-Harde.

“I tossed you off, you little blighter! All that time I thought I was placating a ferocious monster, and it turns out I was actually spanking your lordship, as t’were. I shall not be able to crack one off for months now,” I said, forlornly.

“Well, I am afraid I shall have to take you in for questioning, milord,” said Spunkleford.

“What? It is not illegal to pleasure another man in the grounds of his own home, is it?” I snapped.

“Well, it is actually, milord,” Spunkleford replied. “But it wasn’t actually you I was talking to, milord. It was milord I was addressing,” he said, pointing to Rydeham-Harde.

“Of course, Inspector,” Rydeham-Harde nodded, stepping away from his wife. “I…I quite understand…”

“First degree buggery, eh?” I said, as Rydeham-Harde was cuffed by another policeman. “I dare say you shall be witnessing a great deal more buggery where you are going. In fact, I daresay you’ll be ridden very hard indeed, Rydeham-Harde.”

Lord Rydeham-Harde swallowed noisily, and was led away.

“Good riddance to bad rubbish, eh what? Talking of which, we shall try and make sure this terrible elixir is removed from sale, and arrest those responsible for peddling it,” Spunkleford said to me. “We don’t want the whole country awash with sex-crazed monsters. One is quite enough, eh Likely?”

I chose to ignore the Inspector’s cheap jibe at my sexual antics, and merely watched as Lord Rydeham-Harde was bundled into a police carriage, which then clattered off into the night.

“My poor, dear Hubert,” sniffed Lady Rydeham-Harde, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. “And to think, this was all because I wanted a damned good rogering.”

I raised an eyebrow inquisitively. “Really, m’dear?” I said. “I might well be able to help you out on that score…”

With that, I put a comforting arm around her ladyship, and led her back towards her house.

“Botter,” I called over my shoulder to my spaff-sodden servant. “Go and wait in the carriage, will you? I’ll be back in forty-five minutes.” Then, suddenly, Lady Rydeham-Harde bent over to retrieve a door-key from underneath the doormat, giving me a glorious view of her gorgeous, fulsome buttocks.

“Actually, Botter, you had better make that a week and a half,” I grinned, and entered the house, closing the door firmly behind me.

- Lord Likely.

Next Time in the Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: A Startling Announcement of Startling Importance!

Thank you, all! His lordship would like to extend his warmest thank yous to everyone who took part in the inaugural Inter-Active Adventure. Your loyalty, sterling support, excellent suggestions and general all-round wondrousness have helped to make The Beast With Two Backs a roaring success! Many, many thanks indeed!

Now, we only have one question left to ask of you: would you like to do it again?

Would You Like Further Inter-Active Adventures in the Future?
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Do please let us know!

Congratulations! The final winner to be selected for suggesting the correct course of action in his lordship’s Incredible Interactive Adventure, and thus earns a hyper-link from Lord Likely’s wondrous web-log is:

Congratulations, sir!