The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely

20 March 2008

Instant Head Relief

Home » archives » random insertions

March 21st, 1857.

Another Brief Commercial Interlude

- Lord Likely.

Next Time in The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely: Likely is drunk. Very drunk INDEED.

*****

Presenting gaup - another quality venture from the cads responsible for these Astonishing Adventures.

Spreading the love! More lucky web-loggers have been added to my lordly link-roll today. Please do give a warm and sensuous welcome to: Canucklehead, Random Chick, When Things Get Dark, Britishspeak, A Mere Trifle, My Dear and Digg’N For Diamonds. I hope you shall all feel right at home alongside my current, much-cherished chums!

As his lordship attempts to penetrate each and every nook of the inter-net, we are proud to announce the unveiling of his latest undertaking – Lord Likely’s Fanatical Followers, a brand-new fan club for Lord Likely on the ever-popular Facebook web-site. Do feel free to join up, and declare your moist lust for his lordship!

May you all have a very Good – if not Astoundingly Wondrous – Good Friday! CHEERS!

The Further Scrawlings of Mr. A.D Fanton:
Digital Sickbag | New! gaup
The Carrotty Kid
The Best Bit of the Internet (R.I.P)

Other places of interest:
The Clay Pigeon

FuelMyBlog | Blog Catalog | humor-blogs.com

> Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe in a reader

Comments

18 incredible interjections thus far.

Instant head relief. Article completely different from what I imagined, being a regular reader of these pages.

Pseudonymph, March 20th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

I believe it’s a cure for depression as well.

Gorilla Bananas, March 20th, 2008 at 11:29 pm

is there a similar machine for a painful penis?

nursemyra, March 21st, 2008 at 12:19 am

Good day!

Pseudonymph, I have no idea to what you are referring. There is nothing but the most wholesome material in these fine pages!

Mr. Bananas, I concur. In fact, I do believe it is a cure-all, in many ways.

Nurse Myra, possibly, possibly. Though of course it would be rendered useless upon my Lord Palmerston.

Toodle-pip!

- Lord Likely.

Lord Likely, March 21st, 2008 at 2:36 am

Er, Lord Likely, yer worship … Um …

I was just wondering …

Whether you were … Er, um …

Sort of …

For your photo shoots … Er …

Looking for models …

As I understand it, my ancestor’s head won rave reviews … for his performance on a pointed pike.

And recently, I passed out with distinction in my method acting evening class at Cafe Hopcott which featured me in a pool of blood dead on the floor for over two hours.

I await your early decision in the hope of a favorable audition.

(re-enactment battlefield casualty a speciality!)

Rob Hopcott, March 21st, 2008 at 7:19 am

*drops scalding tea into lap* Why, that’s my name up there! In the vast silences of Internetness, you have extended a be-gloved hand! And I thought no one reads my page. Why, if people were to start stopping in for a visit I may have to begin…adding content. Not to mention begin wearing pants.

Lycobus., March 21st, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Ah, yes. Dr. Buttock’s. I have myself had occasion to visit the good Doctor–I have come to know him well enough to call him Iggy–about my high blood pressure problem. It was oddly causing almost constant erections, of the uplifting, blue-veined, twitching kind. Although several of my female co-workers were able to effect a kind of temporary relief, their efforts required too-frequent reapplications. Doctor Buttock prescribed that I should sit calmly and carefully apply the forward edge of my straight-razor to my right carotid artery (I being right handed–it would probably be different had I been left-handed or underhanded–and make a gentle (but firm) one-inch incision precisely in the center of my neck. The idea (of course) is to allow enough blood to pump out until the unbalanced pressure has been relieved. Doctor Buttocks (Iggy) did sternly admonish me to–if I decided to perform the procedure while alone–make sure I used some sort of timer, preferrably one with a bell or buzzer afixed to it. I must say it worked almost immediately, and the only main problem was in stemming the flow after the necessary time had elapsed, as Iggy had not left those instructions with me. Happily, one of my female co-workers was present, seated astride my lap, and was in the act of applying temporary stiff-joint massage-therapy to my nearly-bursting erection in the form of a steaming pussy-poultice, and was therfore able to clamp the artery by leaning forward and compressing it with her lips, while continuing her extremely deep massage on my overburgeoned happy Roger. So you can imagine how inopportune the timing was for me at that very moment to experience my “Manly Conclusion” at the precise time she had got her lips properly clamped. I must say that sorely threw her off her…Well! Enough! Suffice to say that my terribly pent-up and sudden release was unfortunate timing indeed. Bloody unfortunate, if you get my drift m’Lord. I will confess that a little lightheadedness now and then has been the only perceivable side effect. Also, I am now down to needing only eight or nine co-worker therapies per day now. Therefore I find I am able to recommend the remedy to you, if ever needed. Please learn from my mistake and avoid any chicky-thumping during the actual cutting procedure, however. Ta.
———
There. Now will you give me that fucking email address so I can get on with my book? Christ you are slow!

(Wow! That’s not a comment–it’s a feckin’ guest post! JesusJosephandMary Lord!)

Relax Max, March 21st, 2008 at 1:22 pm

PS- Thanks for adding me to your blog roll. So I have to be nice to you now, right?

Relax Max, March 21st, 2008 at 1:27 pm

I heard the French copied this machine. Those pesky continental twarps always stealing someone else his idea. We should steal their women and bring them back spoiled.

Manictastic, March 22nd, 2008 at 4:57 am

I was surprised by the content of this post too, I was expecting something totally different

But I would like one of those for my birthday, there are some headaches I could relieve.

Claire, March 22nd, 2008 at 12:10 pm

Have you ever wondered if the severed head feels anything? My my. That would require a few Advil … wait, they would fall out the neck gape huh? Hmmm, one of those conundrums of logic I suppose.

Damien, March 22nd, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Can this cure be used on colleagues who create the greatest of pains in my anus?

beaverboosh, March 23rd, 2008 at 6:36 am

Your Lord, I would kindly beg to borrow this for a most disagreeable homo erectus that should be a homo headless, in short the man who orders me around and then pays me in mere shillings. I would also like to wish you a most happy Easter and can’t help but wonder to whom have you been passing out “cream eggs” to? I myself have very busy gathering my own “cream eggs”
Tootles and Huzzah

ettarose, March 23rd, 2008 at 9:03 am

I need to get one of Dr. Buttock’s Incredible Head-Ache Vanishing Systems for My Mother-in-Law! She gives ME a headache, but she’s the one who really needs it! LOL!

Random Chick, March 24th, 2008 at 9:20 am

Good day, fellow adventurers!

Mr. Hopcott, sir, I shall certainly bear you in mind. Do you think you could adequately play a penis, may I ask? (Note: ‘play’, not ‘play with’). I do believe you are about the right height to portray the role of my powerful Lord Palmerston, truly a part to grapple with.

My dear Lycobus, believe me, pants are truly optional as far as I am concerned. Also, I do hope your lap survived the scalding tea incident unscathed.

Mr. Max, that is without doubt the lengthiest comment I have yet received, which I feel I should oblige with an equally lengthy reply. I shan’t, however, as I am incredibly lazy and full of booze. But many thanks for regaling us with your experiences with Dr. Buttocks. Also, please do forward me the name and address of your co-worker post-haste!

Manictastic, you are quite right. Furthermore, rather than using the device as Dr. Buttocks intended, I recall that those filthy French fiends used it to lop off the heads of their aristocracy! The SAVAGES!

My dearest Claire, I too often suffer from a (ahem) throbbing head. I feel we should meet to share our pain. And bodily fluids.

Mr. Damien, I believe Dr. Buttocks does line the basket with the day’s newspaper, so the severed head has something to look at other than a tedious wall of wicker.

Beaverboosh, I do believe the device may be used to eliminate all pains, cranial or anal, so yes! Chop away!

ettarose, many thanks for your seasonal well-wishes! My own ‘cream eggs’ are so full of cream that I have been able to share them with pretty much the entire village. That was one Easter egg hunt they shall not forget in a hurry, let me tell you.

Random Chick, well, Dr. Buttocks’ system is incredibly versatile, I must say. Plus, I believe he offers the device in both ‘His and Hers’ varieties. Huzzah!

Toodle-pip, all!

– Lord Likely.

Lord Likely, March 24th, 2008 at 1:10 pm

Dr. Buttocks is brilliant. I’ve heard that this method is also used to cure stupidity.

Beenzzz, March 24th, 2008 at 2:06 pm

I think he prefer the less fatal (and more fun at parties) cocaine elixer commonly used for headaches.

.45, March 24th, 2008 at 7:54 pm

Noble Lord, my palms are at your service and at this moment being exercised to ensure they are fit for purpose.

Indeed sir, I’m honoured to have such a stand up role as Lord Palmerston and avow I shall meet you in The House.

My politics favour the rotten borough. What ho!

And your platforms sir, what are they?

Rob Hopcott, March 25th, 2008 at 1:28 am

Speak Forth to the Lord

Further Excellence...

• Next Thrilling Chapter
• Previous Thrilling Chapter

Tags: advertisement • cure • Dr. Ignoble Buttocks • Good Friday • headaches • interval • links • Lord Likely • pains • surgery